All you need is love. That sounds like the lyrics of a song from the ‘60’s. All you need is love… I am a “Two” on the Enneagram. Those of us that are “Two’s are sometimes referred to as the helpers. Two’s are empathetic and kind. They are personable and self-sacrificing. They often choose to love under any and all circumstances. What beautiful traits. But, underneath the beauty of such a caring spirit, are some false assumptions.
As a Two, I erroneously concluded that all that people need is love. That is true, is it not? It actually is true, but I should be more specific. I concluded that all that people within my sphere of influence needed was my love. I am not sure how I got to that point, but I do know that I went off the tracks and derailed the day I adopted such an approach to relationships.
My love is not the cure all. My capacity to express empathy and kindness is not going to change the entire course of a person’s life. If a friend is trapped in the clutches of addiction, my love for them is not going to transform them into a state of renewed emotional health. Addressing an addiction for most people is a lifelong journey that involves a major commitment to change. My love for them is not going to transform life challenges they are facing today or tomorrow, or even the next day!
These are painful conclusions for an Enneagram Two. Two’s envision themselves swooping down and saving the day. Isn’t that a nice image? It’s an image firmly embedded in the tender hearts and minds of those of us that test out on the Enneagram as a Two.
People really do need love. And, if the truth be known, the Enneagram Two’s really do make a difference in people’s lives. Their capacity to love is indeed a huge factor in the lives of those on the receiving end. But, Two’s MUST learn their love is not the ultimate cure-all. As a Two, I continue to get back on track by choosing not to rewrite the lyrics of the ‘60’s era song. The lyrics state: “All you need is love.” They do not say “All you need is my love…”
Learning about the Enneagram has been a truly transformative experience for me. I have learned the value of being more thoughtful and purposed in my love for others. If you are interested in learning more about it, a group of four friends have composed a book that will be released very soon that is exceptionally well done. The title is: Spiritual Rhythms for the Enneagram: A Handbook for Harmony and Transformation. The authors are: Doug and Adele Ahlberg Calhoun and Scott and Clare Loughrige