There was record heat in Wichita Falls, TX on July 16th, 1989. I am really not that interested in weather trends, but I distinctly remember bringing my baby boy home that day. It was so hot that I ran the air conditioner in the car for a few minutes before I would let him and Jan leave the comfort of the hospital. When we got home, I checked on him, as he slept in his baby bed, every ten minutes. I was afraid he might stop breathing. Or maybe I was just in awe of my perfect little boy? We did the childbirth classes prior to the big event that took place on July 15th that year. I was a little amused by that whole experience, and even mocked the teacher on the way home after each session. Jan was not amused with the class, or with me at that late stage in her pregnancy…When they rolled her in the deliver room, I was not laughing. I had no idea how the experience of witnessing childbirth was going to affect me. There was an immediate rush that went through my head as they cleaned my newborn up and weighed him. I was overwhelmed with the very existence and presence of a divine creator. How can anyone witness childbirth, and not feel stunned by the power and infinite wisdom of a great God? The rush left quickly and then I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Tears started to form in my eyes. I think I must have had a glazed and look across my face. The nurse said: “Is dad ok?” “Dad is fine.” I told her. I suppose she was the first person to refer to me as “dad.” I quickly regained my masculine composure and readied myself to care for a newborn and his exhausted mother. I saved the tears for later.
Two days later I sent that same boy off to college. That is not really an accurate timeline, but it feels that way. Everyone told us that we would be overcome with emotion when we dropped him off at the dorm at Abilene Christian University. We actually fared pretty well on that hot August day in 2007. It was a joyous occasion. He was ready for his independence, and we were too. I recall coming home late one Saturday night about two weeks after school started that fall. It occurred to me as I pulled in a driveway that was missing his car that he was not away at church camp for a week or two. I felt the emotion coming on again, but I immediately walked in the house to see about two other male, and equally special, additions to our home. I saved my tears for later.
A couple of weeks ago I moved my baby boy home from the college to work in Granbury for the summer. It took him about two hours to figure out that he did not want to be in Granbury for three months living with mom and dad again. It took me about 24 hours to reach the same conclusion. Even Jan calm and patient Jan reached the same decision in about 72 hours. So…I gave him a month’s rent and some grocery money, and sent him to Abilene to find a job for the summer and attend summer school. He got a lecture about managing money and being independent. He took it all really well. Last Friday he packed his belongings in the backseat of his car, hugged his mother and me too. He looked me in the eye and said: “Thank you.” I told him: “You are welcome.” And then he repeated himself. He said more firmly: “Thank you.” I heard the car pull out of the driveway, and once again a familiar rush came over me. I had felt that rush before almost 20 years ago. I intuitively knew that he will likely never live under my roof again. I could not control my emotion this time. It came in a flood at that moment, and has continued to return periodically since he left last Friday. I am glad now that I saved my tears for later. I have needed all of them this week. It realy was a hot day on July 16th, 1989.