When it comes to relating to Jan’s extended family, I have never received passing grades. I have actually had over 25 years to practice too! I have been a resounding relational failure in that area of life. My friends find such a revelation to be shocking. I am generally perceived as being a people person. I love being with my close friends. Many of my friendships have spanned for over three decades. I am always open to the cultivation of new and mutually rewarding relationships.
How do I reconcile that with a string of failing grades, when it comes to relating to Jan’s family?

The answer is really quite simple. For years they have intimidated the daylights out of me. I did not grow up with extended family at all. There were no family reunions, large holiday gatherings, or vacations spent together. Jan is related to most of the people who comprise three rural West Texas counties. They love to get together, and they really love each other…. When I married into this network of familial ties, I froze up like a transplanted Southerner spending his first winter in Alaska. I was truly intimidated. I did not know how to “do” extended family. They would get together for DAYS on end at holidays. They would plan vacations together. Reunions were placed on the calendar annually. Getting together was a normal part of life.

I found myself feeling like a stray dog. A dog without a family looks on with interest, but he won’t let anyone get close enough to pet him. I went to the reunions and looked on with interest… I spent my days with everyone else at holidays, but I did not cultivate relationships. I was still the stray dog. Family members were all pretty patient. They threw me some really nice bones. They even tried to get close enough to pet me, but I quickly cowered and ran. I felt like a stray. I acted like a stray…I was a stray…

Sometimes stray dogs will bite, if you end up invading their space. I must confess. I bit members of Jan’s family a few times… It is not my nature to bite. I am people friendly and even house broken. When a stray feels intimidated, he will bite. It is a very strange defense mechanism. People will think twice before petting a stray again, if they he is going to bite. I continued to snarl and bite periodically. I also continued to get failing grades in the extended family department of life.

Jan’s sister and brother-in-law lost their 17 year old son very unxexpectedly last Thursday. They need someone to comfort them. I am sure their family will gather around to fulfill that need. Comforting those who grieve? That is a pastoral duty. Wait a minute! That is a what I do! I really should go and serve them. And then those feelings of intimidation came over me like a tidal wave crashing to shore. I can’t do that… I am the stray… And sometimes I have even been known to bite. I found such excuses to be incredibly weak!

I asked the Lord to put a collar around my neck, as if I belonged. I made the 16 hour trek to their home to comfort and console. I had a very strange experience this time. I was not intimidated. How can you be intimidated by people who are truly broken? I just opened my heart. I expressed affection. I tried to be myself. It was pretty scary. No….it was VERY scary. Those overtures of love were immediately reciprocated. I stopped looking on with curiosity, like a stray would do. I actually let them pet me, and I found no need to snarl or bite.

I have known for years that tragedy redefines relationships, either for good or for bad. Important relational networks cannot be unaffected by tragic events. In this case, the family took in a stray dog during their time of acute grief. They cleaned him up and made him feel welcome.

Living as a stray is not much fun. Being adopted by a loving and caring family is much better. So…go on and pet that stray. He may snarl and bite, but deep down he wants be loved too. And if you feel like the stray, then ask God to put a collar around your neck, and open your heart to those around you. I think you will be glad that you did.

I don’t plan on taking my collar off anytime soon, because I have a family now. Let’s plan the reunion and get together for DAYS! My tail is wagging. I am ready to go.