The lyrics to a Daughtry song caught my attention, as I was heading home for lunch today. The title of the song is: Call Your Name. It falls into the “breakup” song genre.
I am not really into breakup songs, but this one actually has pretty compelling lyrics. One line reads as follows: There’s gotta be a better way for me to say what’s on my heart without leaving scars. Is there?

I prided myself for years on being blunt. I justified spilling out the unvarnished version of the facts on the basis that I was telling the truth. When strong emotions were driving those comments, the varnish was replaced with the acid of a sharp tongue.
Knowing my propenisty for bluntness, I asked the same question posed in the breakup song. Is there a better way for me to say what’s on my heart without leaving scars? My mind was immediately drawn to my favorite neurosurgeona, as I considered such a question.

Several years ago I had the privilege of undergoing back surgery. An old injury from an accident finally caught up with me. Neurosurgeons possess the ability to wield some damage. A careless mistake could lead to someone not ever walking again. But thankfully my surgeon was fantastic. He did a great job and I have been able to enjoy a full recovery. But… I still have a scar on my back. As far as I know, that scar is going to be with me for the rest of my life.

Is there a better way for me say what’s on my heart without leaving scars? The answer is: I doubt it. When we are forced to have unpleasant conversations, emotional scars are inevitable. I find myself in the position of having to communicate grave information to someone almost every week. I deal with people who have been victims of serious crimes or other traumatic events. The interaction I have such circumstances is often painful.

All of us find ourselves in situations of various kinds where we have to communicate hurtful or unpleasant information to another person. Breakup songs are popular because everyone has experienced a romantic breakup at some point in life. Supervisors find themselves in the position of having to discipline employees not living up to organizational expectations.

Painful conversations are going to leave scars. But we can alleviate as much damage as possible by being thoughtful, well-prepared, and compassionate. There is no excuse plowing into a critical conversation in a thoughtless or callous manner. It would be like my neurosurgeon cutting on my back with little or no advance preparation regarding surgical procedure. He could do some irreparable damage in a matter of minutes. We of course can do the same thing with our tongues! Say what is on your heart. Be honest. Be fair. Be kind. In many cases, being blunt is not the best mode of communication. Try your best not do any damage that would be terribly hurtful, but expect to leave some scars…