I had the distinct opportunity of attending a seminar this weekend that focused on listening skills. It was very helpful. It was very interactive, so all of us were forced to practice the skills that we were being taught. The most significant things I learned over these past two days are not only related to the goal of critical listening.
First of all, I was reminded that good people will do foolish things when they are under enough stress. The phrase used this weekend was: clusters of anxiety.

A cluster of anxiety occurs when someone faces several major stressful events in a fairly short period of time. In other words, one person could lose a job, face a serious illness, and deal with the death of a loved one in a period of months. That person is more inclined to drop out of church and withdraw from other significant relationships during such a time period. The reason given to friends for dropping out or withdrawing is not usually the real story. There is a lot of pain going on in his/her life and no one knows.

As we talked about exercising good listening skills, I wondered how many people go it alone during such times. I wondered how many of my friends are facing a cluster of anxiety-producing events right now. All of us have the tendency to be very private about such matters. It troubles me to think that I have left someone I love and care about hanging out to dry because my ears are not tuned to the right channel.  As I continue to reflect about good listening skills, I hope I can be proactive.  My desire is to listen so well on an everyday basis, that those closest to me feel free to communicate about their clusters naturally and openly long before things start unraveling.

The second thing I gleaned this weekend is that we learn a lot about ourselves when we take time to listen to the stories of others. When they express their pain, our own stuff has a way of coming to the surface. Of course, our first inclination is to share that commonality with the other person! “You are not the only one” is what we want to say…

I have been there, too! The good listener refrains from counter story and continues to focus on the concerns of the other person. But…so much can be learned by processing how the others’ stories shape the perception of our own situation. 

I am eager to be a better listener, but more importantly, I desire to be better friend…