Pick on someone your own size. That is precisely what I want to tell people who wield their criticism toward the most vulnerable among us: the youngest, the one with the least experience or in some cases the person with a truly tender heart. I recently took note of a facebook status in which a longtime friend stated this:

I hate that “constructive” criticism shakes my confidence so much. It’s hard to face your shortcomings when you put so much heart into it.

The person composing this status is just getting started in his career. He has already experienced noteworthy success, but he is still young. There is a huge learning curve ahead. I was in his position in life almost 20 years ago. I empathize with his frustration and discouragement.

People are never going to pick on someone on their size. Criticism generally comes when we are in a vulnerable state. That state of vulnerability maybe inherent in age or lack of experience. But even those of us with years of experience go through seasons of life when we are particularly weak. Life circumstances or poor choices cause us not to operate at peak performance.

Or in some cases the best laid plans just don’t come together well. There are so many factors out of our control, but the critic is on a mission to blame someone. It is almost as if our detractors can smell blood. They intuitively pick up on our weakness. They swoop down on us like a fighter jet and offer “constructive criticism.”

Ironically I had someone ask me recently how I “take” criticism. I am in a profession where I put myself out there for nearly 700 people to say whatever they want to say whenever they want to say it every single week. They feel pretty free to do just that. For the most part people are more kind that what I deserve! But like my friend I too have had my confidence plowed under at times when my whole heart was put into an effort to benefit others.

What can I say to my friend that would be helpful? I don’t think I will say anything. He needs his real friends to listen to his frustration and offer little if any commentary. His emotional state right now conveyed by the status update causes me to think about my own critics. I am thinking about the ones I had when I was his age. I am also thinking about the critics I still have to face every week. Telling them to pick on someone on their own size won’t cut it. I am bigger and older than many of my detractors. Here are a few things for all of us to think about when it comes to criticism.

1. Consider the Source: There are credible people and there are those who are not. Many of us have to deal with people who are not stable emotionally. Kindness is the order for the day in interacting with such individuals. When they are the source of criticism, weigh the source carefully before evaluating the content. The opposite is true as well. When negative commentary comes from a good source, we need to consider what was said very carefully.

2. Work through the Emotions: I am a sensitive soul. I don’t always like that personality trait. It often gets in the way of sensible objectivity. I am learning to work though the painful emotions caused by disparaging comments. It is important to admit to ourselves that we are hurt and not stuff those negative feelings.

3. A Grain of Truth: I have learned over the years that there is generally a grain of truth in all criticism. I don’t like to admit that fact. Even the mean spirited among us have the ability to convey some degree of truth. After I have worked through the emotions, I attempt to step back and evaluate what was said as objectively and honestly as possible.

4. Seek out Encouragers: It is hard to see the good things we are accomplishing when we are besieged by those who are negative and even hateful. I have found that even one conversation with a real encourager makes a huge difference. Such individuals offer insight and words of life.

5. Avoid Bridges: We all have the ability to be impulsive when our feelings are hurt. When we are damaged emotionally, we have the potential to do and say things that are erratic and destructive. I have to remind myself to avoid jumping off any emotional bridges as the wounds caused by caustic and hurtful comments heal.

6. Get Back on the Horse: There are Sundays that it takes everything I have to face a group of people, and preach another sermon. But I try to get back on the horse that threw me. And I try to do it with enthusiasm.

7. Be Grateful: It takes a long time to get to this final stage. I think we can finally reach a point when we can be thankful for all of our critics. We can even be grateful for the bullies among us, who pick on us when we are in a vulnerable state. Such individuals force us to do self-evaluation. Such evaluations confirm in our minds that we are either on the right track or that we need a change in direction.

My friend’s status update is convicting me today. It is convicting me to be an encourager. I know there are people around me who are damaged by careless words masquerading under the guise of constructive criticism. I also know that I am surrounded by people in various states of vulnerability. Perhaps God can use my stature and age to ward off those who need to pick on someone their own size!