Broken Relationships Abound

Broken Relationships Abound

  Everyday I encounter brokenness. Very few days pass that I do not hear at least one story of a relationship that is torn apart by conflict. Sometimes it is about a spouse that has left a person they once loved. Occasionally I hear about longtime friendships unraveling. And then there are situations where someone is conflicted with the church collectively. Stories of brokenness are sad. There is generally significant collateral damage done when two people cannot resolve their differences.

As I prepare to preach this Sunday on the topic of reconciliation, I am aware of two important facts going into that engagement. I can be assured that I am speaking to broken people. I will be addressing those who are estranged from those they once loved. I will also be speaking to people who are may not be all that eager to initiate any kind of reconciliation with the person whom they are conflicted with. Those are just a couple of reality checks I need to consider between now and Sunday! I have been asking myself an important question, as I deal with those two realties.

Why is the process of reconciliation so difficult? I don’t have the final answer for that question. When I formulate an all encompassing response, I will write a book and share my wealth with all of my friends. In the meantime, I will venture a few guesses. Here they are:

1. Reconciliation is especially difficult when we feel that our character has been unduly damaged during a conflict. A person can criticize any facet of my professional conduct and I will take it stride. They can tell me they don’t like my speaking style or they don’t care for my approach on a particular subject. That is no big deal. But if a person questions my honesty or some other aspect of personal integrity, the conflict just notched up to another level. It makes reconciliation much harder.

2. Reconciliation is especially difficult when our children are unfairly criticized. You can call me all kinds of names and I will overlook the insult. I am really pretty easy going, but if you attack my children in a way that is inappropriate I get very hostile in a matter of seconds. I think most of us are like this when it comes to our kids. God created us with protective instincts.

3. Reconciliation is especially difficult when trust has been breached. I am very slow to trust people. I am cautious to say the least. I find reconciliation to be hard when trust is breached.

4. Reconciliation is especially difficult when feelings have been hurt. What hurts my feelings is probably not would hurt your feelings. We are all different in this regard, but when we get damaged in this way it is easy to become irrational. It is hard to experience reconciliation when rational thinking is not carrying the day.

Is it hopeless? Will brokenness dominate our lives? I don’t think that has to be the case. But I do think that if we are aware of factors that make reconciliation more difficult, it is helpful. These factors should be viewed as mountains to climb and not deal killers. I actually think just blindly accepting broken relationships is very foolish. More on that tomorrow…

2 thoughts on “Broken Relationships Abound

  1. I think another issue is fear of rejection. If you are the one who makes the first move toward reconciliation, you may be rejected, hurt or insulted, or all of the above.

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