A couple of days ago I sent my oldest son a text message that simply said: Call me when you can. He responded quickly with: Is this a good call or a bad call? That is a fair question coming from a college age son, is it not? I wish that all of my communication with my children could fall into the category of so called good calls in their minds, but that is not likely to happen. I am their father and not their best buddy.

Occasionally I have to make calls about their judgment or the lack of it. There are times they act more like their father than their mother, and that generally necessitates a call that does not fall into the good category. There are discussions about money, grades, and the like that simply have to take place. And of course as a father I enjoy getting good calls too.

Dad, I made a 4.0 this semester. That is a good call. Dad, the car is running great. That is good call for sure. I met a really nice girl. That is a good call too.  On second thought, that is a great call.  I have money left over from last month, so I just called to visit and catch up. Now I am living in fantasyland…

As it turns out, last week’s call was a good one. I am sure Randall was relieved. He was probably racking his brain wondering what he could have possibly done. I am sure there will be no shortage of good calls in the future. He is excelling in his studies and preparing for life. But that does not mean that the bad calls cease by any means.

At some point the bad calls will go through a shift. He will make them and I will receive them. As time marches on, he will call with news of a sick child in his house. There will likely be calls about missed promotions and other disappointments in life. I will eagerly listen and offer empathetic support. When it is appropriate, I will tell him that I have been there and done that. It will be said with an understanding spirit.

There have been many times that I have wanted to make a bad call to my father. I have had discouraging moments in my career over the years. There have been times I wished I had chosen another profession. When we experienced a miscarriage 15 years ago, I longed to call my father. It would have been comforting.

My father passed away 32 years ago today. I was a couple months shy of my 16th birthday. I missed being on the receiving end of the bad calls and he did as well. I cannot complain. I have been overwhelming blessed with surrogate fathers who have made a profound impact in my life. Several of them have received both good and bad calls from me over the years. I am especially grateful for them today.

I am thankful today to be able to call each of my sons. Each of them is in the independence seeking stage of life. That is good. They need to learn be independent and responsible. I expect one or all of them to pay my phone bill someday. Why shouldn’t I expect that? After all I will be on the receiving end of most of the calls, good and bad, by that point. But in the meantime I am just thankful to be a father.