A construction accident took the life of Tony ten years ago today. Tony was one of the big brothers in the neighborhood where I grew up. We all looked up to him. I ran around with his younger brother. Tony was three years older. His tragic and sudden death left his young wife with several young children to raise. I am thinking about Tony’s family today. I am thinking about his kids, who are now adults. In fact, several thoughts are running through my mind.

I am pondering what it means to be loyal. I like to think of myself as a loyal friend. But does my loyalty to my friends extend to the next generation? If something happens to someone close to me, should that loyalty extend to their children? Do I hug those children at a funeral and wish them well? Do I walk away having concluded that my obligation has been fulfilled? Do I do the proverbial: call me if you need me routine? Actually I know better.

There were a small handful of my dad’s friends who reached out to me in the dark days following his sudden death in 1978. They were kind and helpful. And then there was an even smaller group of men who actually followed through. Ken and Tom took me to play golf on numerous occasions. They were persistent and focused in their efforts. Norm, whom I blogged about recently, helped in other ways.

What does loyalty look like? I know exactly what my obligations are to the next generation. I have some inkling of what those kids are feeling and experiencing for starters. I know that the healing process is a lifelong journey. And I know that the hand of friendship must be extended to the children of friends and associates who have passed on. There are golf games to be played, phone calls to be made, and messages to be sent. It is a high priority matter.

I also need to be reminded on the ten year anniversary of Tony’s death that my role as a law enforcement chaplain is not one to be taken lightly. If an accidental death has occurred, there is a good chance that I will either be notifying the family with law enforcement personnel, or I will be spending the first hours of the crisis with the affected family. It had better never become routine. Every family is unique. Every family deserves the best and most compassionate service possible. I must realize that the way I treat them will be remembered 10 years from now…

I have a lot to learn about loyalty. It has only been in recent years that I have had the opportunity to befriend the offspring of friends. The responsibility I feel toward them is sobering indeed. May God grant me the wisdom to comprehend what loyalty looks like.