Processing personal criticism is not a favorite pastime for anyone. Critical comments are often delivered in an atmosphere of anger or frustration. Sometimes what is said is not very nice. And frequently it is not communicated in a very polite way! I am currently reading a fictional book that contains a lot of generational conflict in the plot. As I read through the plot, it just makes me cringe to see how easy it is for good people to misunderstand each other. I can’t help but think of a phrase from a popular song released by Mike and the Mechanics in 1989. The lyrics in the song say:

Every generation blames the one before. And all of their frustrations come beating on your door…

And so we criticize and blame and feel frustrated with one another. One of the characters in the piece of fiction I am reading makes this observation in the midst of the family conflict dialogue:
Words can be a sword to the heart. Sometimes there’s truth in them. Sometimes there isn’t. Go over what was said. If there’s any truth in it, you’ll have to decide what to do with it. As to the rest, try to let it go and try to forgive.

That is not bad advice. But when our heart is stabbed with an emotional butcher knife, we are generally not on the frame of mind to accept such counsel. When I am bleeding from a sword wound to the heart, I tend to get angry and sarcastic. My humor is more biting than usual. Once we have taken some time to heal we can objectively consider what has been said.

I have found there is usually some hint of truth in the words of my critics. That is almost always the case. I may not like the tone and demeanor in which the message was delivered, but there is still truth in it. That means I need to determine what defines a constructive response.

But there also times when there is absolutely no basis of truth in what has been said. In fact, I had an experience recently when someone in the Granbury community criticized me something for something I had not done, nor would I ever do. In fact, the accusation was that I had broken the law by not reporting an act of child abuse. That is a very serious allegation, but there was no hint of truth in it. After setting the record straight, all that I can do is choose to forgive the person who is ill informed.

So…good advice to heed. It is far better to work through such difficult matters in the living years.

The question I have for myself is probably a legitimate one for most people: Am I a humble to accept truth based criticism no matterwhat? And am I wise enough to forgive and not allow bitterness to infect the emotional stab? Good questions for a cold Friday in January!