I am currently reading Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy’s book entitled:  Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do. It is an exceptional resource.  This evening I ran across this quote from the book:  ‎”Feeling loved and being heard are so similar, it’s difficult to distinguish between the two.”  My mind immediately went to my longtime professor, mentor, and friend Charles Siburt…

OK, I hear you…How many times have I heard Dr. Siburt say that?  And how many times have I heard him say that to fellow students and colleagues in ministry?  The phrase resonates deeply in the recesses of my mind.  OK, I hear you…

In the case of Dr. Siburt, you had better put on your big boy britches.  You never knew what might follow after he “heard you.”   One of his students nicknamed him “Chainsaw Charlie.”  It stuck.  And all of us have a healthy respect for that chainsaw.  Dr. Siburt is not one to mince words or avoid conflict.  He has always told me and others precisely what we needed to hear.  But Dr. Siburt gets away with that for one simple reason.  He loves us and we know it.

I have always felt loved by Charles, because I know he hears me… He deals with dozens of church leaders every single day, and somehow, he has managed to remember the names of my children, and what is going on in their lives. He even recalls details of conversations that we had over 10 years ago.

I have always been a doer. I concluded somewhere in my adult life that loving someone should be equated to doing things for them.  I realize that there is value to such thinking.  But, as I get older, I am beginning to think that Clinton and Sibcy are on to something.  It really is hard to distinguish between being heard and feeling loved.

I want those close to me to feel loved.  There is no doubt it.  My objective is to be able to honestly say:  OK, I hear you…. I have had the best trainer, so there is no excuse.  It is amazing what you can accomplish when you feel that have been heard and thus loved… Next time I say:  OK, I hear you... I will smile to myself as I think about Charles.