Thanksgiving is next week. It sets an entire season of holidays in motion. Christmas will arrive soon. And The New Year’s Holiday comes right on the heels of Christmas. Families look forward to being together. At least I think that is true?

I grew up in a nuclear family that did not do “extended family” well. We rarely visited aunts and uncles. I did not grow up playing with cousins as children. And we NEVER gathered with extended family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I was in my 50’s before I discovered some of the reasons for such distance.

My sweet wife is related to most of the residents in more than one county. She cherishes the memories of gathering with first and second cousins. Great aunts and uncles were an important part of her formative years. When we first married, she looked forward to being with her family. As I look back on it now, I realize I did not know how to “do” extended family. I was clueless. I was in uncharted waters. It felt scary and intimidating. I realize now that I felt like a stray dog. Her family wanted to take me in out of the emotional cold and love on me! But, I I felt pretty wary…. Kind of like a stray dog… I wrote those thoughts down several years ago. Here is an edited version today:

When it comes to being in the presence of extended family, I find myself feeling like a stray dog.  A dog not accustomed to being in a family looks on with interest, but won’t let anyone get close enough to pet him.  I am THAT dog.  I went to family reunions and looked on with interest, but kept plenty of emotional distance.  I showed up for Thanksgiving dinner, and sat around the Christmas tree to open gifts, but I did not cultivate relationships.  I was still the stray dog. 

Family members were patient. They threw me some nice bones.  They even tried to get close enough to pet me, but I quickly cowered and ran.  I felt like a stray. I acted like a stray.  I was a stray.

Sometimes stray dogs will bite if you invade their space.  I must admit. I bit members of my family more than once.  It’s not my nature to bite.  I am people friendly. I am even house broken. When a stray feels intimidated, he will bite.  It’s a very strange defense mechanism.  Keep in mind biting is all about fear.

 Unfortunately, people will think twice petting that stray again, IF they think he is going to bite.  I continued to snarl and bite periodically.  I hope my family will not take me to animal control.  Even though I feel like a stray.  And even though I act like a stray.  I really want to be a part of a family.  I want to be petted.  I want to snooze on the couch. And, I want to have meaningful relationships with my family.  I am going to try stop thinking and acting like a stray.

Who is the stray in your family? How can you extend some extra grace and love to them this year?