Hiding under the seemingly secure cover of denial is very appealing. Living in a state of denial is the best way to avoid the coldness of reality. So we set up our little tents of denial, and we crawl in them, thinking that they will protect us from the elements of reality. Unfortunately it never works. The unrelenting winds of reality blow those tents over in a matter of seconds, and leave us exposed once again. We found ourselves tangled up in a piece of nylon or canvas that failed to protect us.

The news today reveals the family fall out that is occurring following a devastating car crash that took place on July 26th. Diane Schuler was driving a vehicle the wrong way on the Taconic Parkway in New York. Schuler, her two year old daughter, and three young nieces were all killed in a crash that ensued. Three men occupying a second vehicle in the crash were killed as well.

Toxicology tests revealed the presence of alcohol and marijuana in Schuler’s system. Schuler’s husband, Daniel, has denied that she was driving drunk or stoned. Diane Schuler’s brother is infuriated at such denial and has effectively cut ties with his brother-in-law during this awful period in both of their lives.

Denial is powerful. It is appealing. It feels better than reality. I feel tremendous compassion for Daniel Schuler. I cannot fathom the depth of his grief. Unfortunately he is taking cover under a tent that will quickly blow away in the winds that he is about to face. Relationships that he needs right now are unraveling, as he seeks cover. The healing process is being circumvented by the presence of denial that is repulsive to those who could be caring for him.

Let’s not be quick to race to judgment. Mr. Schuler is hurting. His family life will never be the same. His life will never be the same. He is taking cover in the denial tent. When the wind blows that shaky shelter into oblivion, I hope there is someone there to embrace him, and love him unconditionally. He is going to need it. I pray that there will be people who love him today and tomorrow…

I have the same prayer for all of us. In some shape or fashion, we are all taking cover in the denial tent. After all, it is so appealing. I am reminded today of a phrase that my friend and mentor Charles Siburt often uses: Reality is your friend…