Over the next several weeks, dads across the nation will be moving their 18 year olds into college dormitories for the first time. They will not find the experience nearly as joyous as the high graduation ceremony. Oh, I have so much to say these unsuspecting parents. They have quite a road ahead of them in the next year or two.

Most universities require students to live in the dorm for at least a year. Some schools even require a two year stint in the dorm. University officials will say that it helps student retention. Students tend to get plugged in better on campus, when they reside in the dorm. There are several other seemingly legitimate reasons for such housing policies. But I know the truth.

The real truth behind universities requiring students to live in the dorm their freshman year may not be what you would expect. It all has to do with a father’s sanity. The psychological well being of a student’s father drives housing policies on college campuses.

When good ole’ dad moves Junior into the dorm, it looks like Junior is going to camp…for a rather extended period of time. Dad likes the idea of Junior going to camp…for 13 weeks. Dad does not like the idea of his son leaving home, and becoming independent. The thought of his daughter leaving the nest would send any self respecting man over the edge. These thoughts cause dad heartache and stress. They upset his psychological equilibrium, if he ever had any in the first place. He likes the idea of Junior being 18 months old again. Living in the dorm is a good thing. It helps a college freshman’s father live in denial.

After a year or two, camp comes to an end. The college freshman is a sophomore, or even a junior. It is time to move on from life in the dorm.
Good ole’ dad’s moving skills are called into action once again. But this time he is moving Junior into an apartment. It is much more difficult to live in denial at this stage. Apartment living resembles real life. Responsible adults with jobs live in apartments.

Over the next several weeks, dads across the nation will be moving their 20 year olds into apartments, for the first time. . It is a big step for a junior in college, but it’s not very good for the psychological well being of the father. He likes the idea of his child still being a baby.

Denial is such a good place to live. The whole apartment thing blows denial all to pieces. Dads everywhere will be on the verge of breakdowns, as they realize that Junior is not so young anymore. He is becoming independent. He is growing up. Those poor dads will think back to the day that they assembled the baby bed, in anticipation of Junior’s impending arrival. Bless those poor men. They may need counseling before September arrives.

I will do my best to offer them support and encouragement. But first my back must recuperate from carrying in supplies to set up household in my son’s first apartment today. Take me back to camp…Take me back to denial….