I was stunned. I know at my age there is no excuse to be surprised, but for some reason I was really taken back… I visited with a man recently who had traveled a great distance to attend his father’s funeral. I asked him a few casual questions about his father, and found out quickly that he knew very little about his dad. He was actually very forthright. He told me that he had not seen his father for nearly 4 years. They talked on the phone about once a month, but the conversations were awkward and stilted.

I walked away from that conversation with several reactions. I felt really real sympathy for the son. He is about my age. He is married and has children at home. It broke my heart that there was such emotional distance between him and his father. I figured something probably occurred over the years to forge a chasm between them. What a waste.

I also could not help but feel some sense of resentment. I have longed to have the privilege of calling my father for advice or to just swap funny stories. My father’s premature death in 1978 made that impossible. I have gone through my entire adult life without such a conversation. The feelings of resentment passed quickly, because a third reaction overwhelmed the first two.

I realized almost immediately the importance of keeping the lines of communication open with my own boys. When they become independent, it is easy for the distance to grow. I was reminded today that as the father, I have the primary duty of fostering good will between us. If things ever do become tense, then I must be the one who takes the high road. Good relationships of all kinds necessitate a lot of work and commitment. My hope is that if I keep the communication lines open today, then our relationship will be strong when they are in their 40’s, with families of their own. I think I know what to add to my daily prayers for my boys… I don’t want any of us to have regrets.

Mike and the Mechanics stated it well in a song released in the 1980’s entitled the Living Years…

I wasn’t there that morningWhen my father passed awayI didn’t get to tell himAll the things I had to sayI think I caught his spiritLater that same yearI’m sure I heard his echoIn my baby’s new born tearsI just wish I could have told him in the living yearsSay it loud, say it clearYou can listen as well as you hearIts too late when we dieTo admit we don’t see eye to eye