I find a lot of status updates of facebook mildly amusing. Others cause me to just shake my head. And some are just outright funny. I read one last night that had my full attention. A friend put posted a picture of her father, and below it she commented: Missing You Dad (: You see…her father is deceased. I know, because I officiated at his funeral.

Bob was a retired troooper with the Texas Dept. of Public Safety. He was a towering man’s man. If you didn’t know him, you might say he was intimidating. As I got to know him in the final days of his life, I found him to be a fascinating person. He had a great career in the highway patrol division of the DPS. He helped untold people over a period of three decades. His love for his sweet wife and children was unquestioned.

What am I supposed to say to his daughter? She is 31 years old. She has a good husband and precious children. I am 16 years her senior. You would think that I would have something comforting to share. Hmm…I know what I want to say. I want to say: It is ok. Give it time and you won’t miss him anymore. But that is not true. She is going to continue to miss him. I speak from experience. My father died 7 days before she was born. It has been over 31 years now, and I still miss him.

What can I say then? I should say as little as possible. I should shut my motor mouth and allow her to express her grief, as she feels it today. And I need to repeat the funny stories about her dad that I recall. She needs to hear the memories over and over again. It is profoundly healing.

It strikes me based on her post that honesty is the most important gift that I can give her. I can honestly say that it will get better. I can honestly say that there will continue to be good days and not so good days for many years to come. And, I can honestly say that the journey of grief will change her. The grief journey actually has the potential to make us better people. I am pretty confident that I can call on her for help, if I am serving a younger person facing the loss of their father. I tend to think she will be very understanding and compassionate…She knows what it means to miss someone you love.

I can say honestly that her facebook status still has my full attention.