I have spent a lot of time visiting people in several area hospitals over the past several weeks. All of them were surrounded by family and close friends. However, I could not help but notice very elderly people in the Intensive Care Unit and in semi-private rooms who appeared to have no one outside of the hospital staff attending to their needs. Some of them appeared so frail and vulnerable. Where are their loved ones? I thought to myself. I wondered about their fears. They must be scared. Thankfully there were family members of the patients I went to see reaching out to these individuals lacking a support system. I really do have some great friends, who are interested in people It still made me shiver to think of someone facing a potentially serious illness all alone. But unfortunately that is a reality. I was reminded of the lyrics of an old song from the 1960’s: Look at all of the lonely people…

I was also reminded that we can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. We can enjoy all sorts of social interaction and still be overcome by fear. That sounds odd, but it is true. I recall going through a time of feeling abandoned and alone. It made no rational sense. I was not like the hospital patients who lacked a support system. There was no shortage of people who loved me. My sweet bride was as wonderful then as she is now. My kids were as much a blessing then as they are today. The list could go on… But I still felt abandoned. I was a grown man who felt like a little boy who had been separated from his parents at Walmart. I yearned to be nurtured like a child. I often thought: How silly!

Henri Nouwen published a series of essays in a book entitled: The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom. Nouwen composed this work when he was at a particularly difficult time in life. He even states in the preface that this book is his secret journal; written during the most difficult period of his life.

There is a quote in the book that transformed my thought processes about abandonment and loneliness. It reads as follows:

No one person can fulfill all your needs. But the community can truly hold you. The community can let you experience the fact that, beyond your anguish, there are human hands that hold you and show you God’s faithful love.

I read that quote at least a dozen times before I figured out what he was trying to say. His thought helped me realize why I continued to feel lonely and abandoned, even though I was among such good people. I needed to allow my community to embrace me. I had to let them in my heart. I even had to allow members of that community to touch me and hold me. I realized that I had sealed myself off from people emotionally, and that added to the feelings of loneliness and abandonment.

During times of profound loneliness we long for human touch. It may be a subconcious longing, but neverthless it is there. We need to be held like a small child. Nouwen is correct. No single person can meet all such needs. But the community can embrace us, if we are willing.

I have been trying to take cues from Nouwen’s conclusions about living in community, and you know what? I think he was on to something. I am more open with those closest to me. I take the time to hug more or to place an assuring hand on someone’s arm. I have let my guard down and allowed the community to embrace me. It really makes a difference.

I hope I am now better prepared to reach out to those who have no one, because there seems to be no shortage of people in hospital rooms today without loved ones to see about them. I cannot imagine what must be going through their minds. If they have no community of friends, then I must begin to form such a network for them. Perhaps a warm touch or a gentle hug is in order. My prayer is that I can show them God’s faithful love, as others have done so for me.