I am extremely fortunate to have a circle of loyal friends who come from many walks of life. Some are peers and others are considerably older. In the case of some of my friends, I am old enough to be their father. My older friends provide wisdom about the issues that still lie ahead. They no longer fund car insurance for their boys and they have walked their daughters down the aisle. My peers reassure me that I that I am not crazy. They share so many of the same feelings and experiences during the same time period in life. My younger friends keep me up to speed technologically. I learn about new music and new sayings! If it were not for my younger associates, I might still be listening to eight tracks and wearing my shirt tails tucked in all of the time.

I am still learning new things about friendship everyday from all three of those groups. Two in particular stand out today. Here is the first one: a friendship is not completely sealed until there is a shared crisis. Perhaps that has a morbid tone, but it is true. When a crisis arises, real friends put their life on hold for the other person. In some cases it is a major and possibly life altering event. As a law enforcement chaplain, I have gotten people out of bed in the middle of the night more than once, so they can comfort a friend in a time of immediate tragedy. Sometimes it just entails a flashpoint in the day. We all have those days when we are jarred by an event or a piece of news. It is something that is upsetting or stressful. Our friends are there simply to walk with us. When the direct predicament is over, the relationship with the person we shared it with is not the same. The friendship is sealed.

When we feel totally comfortable calling someone during a crisis, it is a sign of deepening friendship. If I have to apologize for imposing on someone else, then that relationship still has a ways to go before it can be characterized as a real friendship. I always smile to myself when a friend calls me and does not apologize for a perceived imposition. When the unloading process gets underway immediately, it is a really good sign!

Yesterday I read an article in USA Today about the rising suicide rate among ministers. The combination of unrealistic expectations, being the confidant for everyone else, and yet having no one who can be trusted with their personal information provides the ingredients for depression among those in ministry. At first glance, I thought I should not be reading such material on a Monday! And then the rational part of my brain kicked in. I am grateful that I have friends that I can call when I am discouraged. I feel no need to apologize for such a call. I am equally thankful for those who feel free to call me, and not apologize…

I was reminded of those two rules of friendship today. Friendships are sealed during times of crisis. Unapologetic phone calls are a sign that the relationship is deepening. It is comforting to go to bed tonight knowing that a real friend is only one unapologetic phone call away, when the inevitable crisis arises. I am grateful for all of my friends of all ages tonight.