She had all of the tell tale signs and I missed them.  Her behavior indicatd that she was crying out for help, but none of us heard her.  She was a beautiful 16 year old girl with lots of potential, but there oddities about her behavior.  Don’t misunderstand me.  She was a blast be around.  All of us enjoyed spending time with her.  We walked the same line at high school commencement services in 1980, but  I bascially lost track of her after our freshman year in college.  I saw her at the mall somewhere around 1982, and that is the last I heard of her.  I didn’t think about her too much until one day in a law enforcement chaplaincy training class  a little over a year ago.

The class was dealing with the unpleasant subject of sexual assault.  The particular focus was on childhood victims.  The teacher started listing the signs of a child who has been molested.  Some of the signs are exhibited when the victim is small, and others surface years later.  I took good notes that day.  As I wrote away, it hit me like a punch right in the middle of the stomach.  I got a sick feeling… I had not thought about _________ in years.  An image of her face started flashing through my head.  No…it can’t be true, I thought.
I am crazy!  I have to be crazy…  The list fit her like a glove.

Was __________ molested as a child?  Was she being abused while we were teenagers? I don’t know.  I can’t be certain, but I think my suspicions are probably legitimate.  The commons signs were present. There is no doubt about that . I was reminded that day  in the training event of one of her favorite songs.  After my sudden revelation, that song suddenly brought on new meaning.

In this old hotel
And rooms filled with reckless pride
And the walls have grown sturdy
And the halls have worn well
But there is nobody living inside
Nobody living inside…
Gonna pull in the shutters
On this heart of mine
Roll up the carpets and pull
In the blinds
And retreat to the chambers that
I left behind
In hopes there still may be
Love left to find
Still may be love left to find.
Seek inspiration in daily affairs
Now you soul is in trouble
And requires repair
And the voices you hear at the
top of the stairs
Are only echoes of unanswered prayers
Echoes of unanswered prayers.
Well theres too many windows
In this old hotel
And rooms filled with reckless pride
And the walls have grown sturdy
And the halls have worn well
But there is nobody living inside
Nobody living inside…

When people are damaged by life, they retreat to the heart hotel.  They pull in the shutters and put up sturdy walls.  It is hard to break into those rooms.  But let us not lose sight of the fact that there are souls in need of repair behind those doors.   As I begin a New Year, I am more determined than ever to listen more carefully. I need to hear the real story that is driving what a person does and says.  I am not a 16  year old kid anymore.  I have had enough training and experience to recognize all kinds of issues in a person’s life.   But if I am going to be of any use at all in touching others, then I must let go of my own reckless pride.  I have to speak and act with my heart.  I must allow myself to be vulnerable.

It is January 3, 2010 today and I am thinking about a hurting 16 year old girl.  She is not 16 anymore. She is 47 years old now.   I wonder if she still thinks about the old Dan Fogelberg song, Heart Hotels? I pray for healing and peace in her life today.