I know I need to forgive him, but I just can’t… I will never forgive her for the things she has done. How many times have I heard such phases? Or more importantly, how many times have I muttered such things to myself? There are a few topics that I deal with in sermons that always seem to be relevant and near to people’s hearts. Forgiveness falls in that category. Relational brokenness unfortunately appears to be the rule instead of the exception.
I spent two Sunday evening time slots preaching through the life of Joseph in the Old Testament. You know which Joseph I am talking about… The one with the cool, multi-colored coat… Oh, the trouble that coat ultimately caused him! In the second week, I identified 5 stages of forgiveness that are based on Joseph’s experience with his brothers. That family knew brokenness. I will let you read the Genesis narrative yourself, but I will devote some time this week to the 5 stages of forgiveness.

Emotional injury can cut deeply. Emotional lacerations are not easily stitched. Cuts caused by an emotional injury can cause us to bleed out and crater. I read a story today about a lady who overheard some vicious gossip that focused on her! The gossipers and fellow co-workers were in a public restroom. They had no idea that the focus of their unkind commentary was in a nearby stall. The recipient of the hateful words ended up quitting her job and cutting off all further communication with her co-workers. Those hurtful words did permanent damage. Is there any hope for relationships that have experienced the trauma of a major breakdown.
Someone has to take a bold and scary step. Someone must be vulnerable. Someone has to take the first step and at least entertain the idea of forgiving the offending party. I am not saying that they are ready to kiss and make up. I am simply stating that one of the parties must be willing start thinking about forgiveness. That is stage 1. I am asking myself the question: Am I willing to forgive?
In particularly thorny situations, this first stage could last awhile. Healing emotionally takes time and involves several phases. Somewhere during that journey, such a question can be posed. Can I really forgive this person who has hurt me so deeply? I actually think it is a mistake to forcefully tell someone: You must forgive right now! If the person is not ready, it may shut the door to the healing process permanently.
I was hospitalized in 1988 following an accident with a broken pelvis. The physical therapist came around the second day I was in the hospital and informed me that I was going to get up and walk. I wanted to tell her *&%#@. But I refrained. I just kindly declined. In an equally kind demeanor, she informed me that I would walk that day! She just took me to the nurse’s station and back to the security of my hospital bed. It was probably about a 60-foot walk there and back. She had some kind of belt tied around me, so I would not fall.

Maybe we can offer a similar service to those who are emotionally broken. We can gently encourage them to begin the process of forgiveness. We can offer to walk with them, as they take those first tentative steps. I eventually walked down the entire hallway with assistance, but it just took some time. Forgiveness takes time, too. It too comes in stages…