Am I willing to even entertain the thought, as fleeting as it might be? Am I actually open to even thinking about forgiving someone who has hurt me deeply?  That is the first stage on the forgiveness journey that I identified in the Joseph narrative threaded in the final chapters of Genesis. The second stage involves taking some initiative.

Someone has to take the first step. Someone must call a truce or end the silence. Shouldn’t it be the person who is the primary offender who offers apologies and gets things moving in the right direction? I would argue that in many cases there is not a primary offender. In most conflicts, there are plenty of faults to go around. Frequently there are no innocent parties. The Joseph story is a pretty compelling example.
Joseph was severely wronged by his brothers when he was a young man. They sold him into slavery! But there were also actions on his part that ignited the conflict in the first place. Still he is the one who initiates forgiveness and reconciliation. In their particular situation, he held all of the power. But that is the choice he made. He choice to reach out to them in a spirit of reconciliatio
What hinders us from extending the olive branch and offering heartfelt forgiveness? It is tempting to say that anger is the holdup. That is not the answer. Anger is a secondary emotion. Something is driving the anger.
Pride must be the reason! Our hearts are so full of foolish pride that we cannot bring ourselves to forgive. That must be the holdback. I don’t believe that to be true either. It is a factor for sure. But it is not the primary issue impeding forgiveness.

If we are going to push back all of the hindrances to forgiveness and initiate reconciliation, we must dig deeper. Why am I so angry? Why do I feel the need to protect my pride? How did this person’s actions affect me? In other words, we have to identify the emotional wounds. We have to name them.
In the past, I have been wounded because someone made me feel worthless. Believe it or not it took me a long time to figure that out! I just knew I was angry or hurt. It took forever to figure out that I felt that their actions made me feel worthless. Once I reached that conclusion, the journey to forgiveness was easier. Joseph had years to think about the personal impact of his brothers’ infractions.
We will never entertain the idea of forgiving as long as we remain stymied in anger, or caught in a web of foolish pride. We will certainly not have the emotional energy to initiate forgiveness and ultimately reconciliation. Once we can identify what has been taken from us or done to us, we are at least on the road to offering heartfelt forgiveness.