I got up bright and early this morning to make the weekly trek to Walmart.  I really did not mind at all.  The alternative was not a good one.  Go to Walmart or stay home to clean house.  It was a no brainer.   I looked down the empty hallway, as I grabbed my coat. My mind started playing tricks on me.  I saw two litlte boys building a fort in the linen closet.  I heard Jan say: Don’t be so loud! You are going to wake up the baby!  I found myself opening the back door of my truck to strap one of them in a car seat before I left.  And then I suddenly realized that I was alone… Very alone…

I got to Walmart and saw several parents wrestling with small children, as they attempted to buy groceries.  There seemed to be more frustrated parents of young children than usual today. I overheard one mother tell her daughter to stop pouting.  And then my mind start playing more tricks on me.

I was holding a baby and watching two little boys in tow.  My memory was drawn back to the time in our life when we had to drive 70 miles to Walmart.  People thought I was crazy to take three little guys with me by myself to shop and mess around for the day.   The boys were always very well behaved.  We went through our little ritual of stomping out the devilish “I want’s” in the parking lot, before entering the store.  I was stunned back into reality, as I purchased a Walmart gift card for my college student, so he can purchase his own groceries.  I was yearning for the days when I had to watch him, so he would not wonder off while I checked out.

Our oldest is about to complete his junior year in college.  Our middle son will graduate from high school this year.  The baby I held in Walmart a few years ago will enter high school in the fall.  In a very short time my babies will  be gone, and the hallway will be all too quiet.   I miss my babies more than I can say.

As I drove home from Walmart this morning, my mind stopped playing tricks on me.  Cold hard reality hit me like a ton of bricks.  I could not stop thinking about another boy.   He is not one of mine.   He is a 15 year old I met recently.  He is a 15 year old who has been convicted of 6 felonies.   When he first told me about his convictions, I questioned him….  6 felonies?  He listed them off and proceeded to describe his offenses in detail.  I felt sick inside.   He then told me that his biological father is deceased and his step-dad is serving a 20 year prison sentence.  I cannot get him off of my mind this week.

I have learned a lot from fathering three sons over the past 20 plus years.   My children have taught me a lot.
It has been a great experience.   As the empty nest time in life approaches, I know that my parenting responsibities will by no means cease.  In fact, that time of life may bring on additional duties.  Paternal instincts are pretty strong.  I think it is just impossible to stop being a father…