Several years ago I met an older gentleman who was completely estranged from his adult children. To my knowledge there was no communication between father and sons. Their relationship had been in that state for quite some time. When he died, the sons did not attend the funeral service. Brokenness is heart breaking, but unfortunately it is not uncommon. What can be done to prevent relational breakdowns from going on for decades, and ultimately being carried to the grave?  Here are a few ideas:

1. We must acknowledge that we tend to be masters at the blame game. My little creative mind can generate all kinds of reasons as to why a meltdown with someone else is most certainly not my fault! I can make another person out to be the bad guy with relative ease. I might even be convincing, but don’t listen to me! I am playing the blame game!

2. We need to focus on the process of reconciliation and not blame. In cases of interpersonal conflict, there is generally sufficient blame to be shared. If things are going to improve, we should put all of our energies into the actual process of reconciliation.

3. We must communicate humility both verbally and nonverbally. Here are the things I try to remember to say when I have offended another person.
 I am sorry I offended you.


 I value you as a person.


 I value our relationship.


 I think it is important for __________ that we be at peace. (Important for our children, important for the church, important for our coworkers…etc.)


 What can I do to make this situation better?

4. We need to quit making excuses. I can think of a thousand reasons not to initiate reconciliation. Here are a few: The other person is not stable emotionally, just plain mean, impossible to have a rational discussion with, or they just don’t like me! That is a just a starter list…In recent years, I have gone back and initiated reconciliation with every single person whom I felt I had seriously offended when I was much younger. Most of the offenses took place before I graduated from high school. It has been an interesting experience. Most of those initiatives had a great outcome. I had to quit making excuses.

This Sunday I am to preach on reconciliation. I am confident that I will be addressing a lot of people impacted by brokenness. I have been there. I plan to share some of my own story with the church. I would really rather not have to share my shortcomings. I would prefer to paint myself as a true Saint, but that is not too accurate. Honesty is always a good policy. No excuses allowed… It is Thursday and Sunday is coming!