I have been hearing voices…again. Now that can be the sign of serious psychological problems, but in my case is it not. And reality really is my friend…I suppose I should tell the whole story.

It all started one Monday morning at Academy Sports over on Bryant Irvin in Ft. Worth. (Monday is my day off.) I was over there “browsing” in the golf section when I heard Jan’s voice calling me sweetly and tenderly. I immediately thought it was rather odd. I looked around me. She was nowhere in the area. As far as I knew, she was safely at work doing what responsible people do on a Monday. But I kept hearing her voice. It got louder and louder… I tried to continue with my casual browsing, but how could I? I felt distracted and even a little unsettled. I suppose I should tell I heard that morning…

I kept hearing: “Father’s Day is coming. Buy those new golf clubs.” And then I heard: “It is time to retire your old hand me down clubs.” Her voice became increasingly tender as I heard over and over again…”Father’s Day, Father’s Day…” I tried to resist it. I left the golf section and went to look at athletic clothing that even the fittest 48 year old man should never consider wearing. But the voice returned. I suppose I should tell what I did that morning….

I went over to the clubs I was interested in looking at. They just happened be on sale that morning. (No doubt it was a marketing ploy targeting unsuspecting preachers taking their Monday off.) As I picked up the pitching wedge, Jan’s voice was overwhelmingly tender and persuasive…How could I disappoint my sweet bride of almost 26 years? I opened the cabinet and slid the box with the clubs on sale right into my waiting arms. I suppose I should tell you how I explained this mystical experience to Jan.

I called her. I did not want to tell her about the voices. She has suspected for years that I am a few French fries short of a Happy Meal, so why upset her unnecessarily? I just opened the conversation with my standard line: “Is it easier to get forgiveness or permission?” After a short period of silence, I “xplaned”, as Beaver Cleaver would say, my new purchase. I should suppose I should tell you about her reaction.

She was actually excited about my upgrade. But later that day, after I came in off the golf course, she had the audacity to ask me something to very personal. She said: “Did those new clubs help your score any?” I was hurt and shocked. I told her it might be awhile before I hear HER voice again. I won’t tell you what she said…