Note: I have been a law enforcement chaplain since 1990. The scenarios I describe here are based on nearly 32 years of hands on experience.

My youngest son told me years ago that Facebook is for old people. In fact, I think even went so far to say that the old people are ruining Facebook. He was about seventeen when made such an observation. At 25, I am sure he has a renewed appreciation for old people like his dad.

I love Facebook. I cannot wait to see the “First day of school pictures.” My friends post pictures of their grandchildren. It is a way to keep up with the events in people’s lives. When the parent of a friend passes away, I am aware quickly. I even enjoy the simple things like pictures of someone’s latest culinary delight they have prepared in their kitchen! But Facebook is also destructive.

About ten years ago I received a call from a law enforcement officer. He instructed me to report to a fatality crash scene. The one car accident occurred early in the morning on a rural road. When I received the call around 8:00 that morning from the officer in charge of the crash investigation this is what he said: “We have had a fatality crash. I have one victim. And please expedite because I have a family member who showed up at the crash scene.”

When I arrived at the scene, the officer told me that someone had driven down that road and noted that the damaged vehicle off in the ditch looked like his friend’s wife’s car. He proceeded to post pictures of the crash on Facebook and contact his friend in a text message as well.

This gentleman arrived at the scene before the officers could complete the process of removing his deceased wife’s body from the vehicle. As you can imagine, the man was in total shock. By the time I arrived, shock had turned into anger. I tried my best to assist him, but we were in an environment that made my job far more difficult. I ended up accompanying him to notify his children, and I even officiated at that woman’s funeral service. But I learned an important lesson that day. Facebook is one of the worst platforms for a family to receive the news that their loved one has died.

When an officer calls me out to assist with a death notification, I often say: “May the Social Media Race” commence. We are racing against the clock. We are doing our best to reach a family member to deliver a notification in the most compassionate manner possible before that person receives the news on Facebook, Instagram, or in a text message. (I have had family members receive pics of their loved one’s mangled car in a text message before we arrived.)

It is human nature to want to be “In the know.” People also feel compelled to be the first ones to share the news. Those postings caused untold destruction. Such individuals leave a path of destruction after their reckless posting or texting. I really do not think they are aware of the consequences of their use of electronic communication.

 They are well meaning. Those posting pictures of crash scenes may not have any ill intent at all. But I am speaking from 31 years of experience. Finding next of kin is a challenge. Addresses on a driver’s license are frequently not current. Emergency contact information is often missing. The family members we are attempting to locate are out of town temporarily or live out of state.

 Making notifications is a complex and time-consuming task. Give us time to work. Allow us the freedom to reach out to surviving family members in the right manner with correct information. Their world is about to change forever. Let us do it a way that reflects our training. Let us assemble a support network for the family. Let us take care of necessary details.

We really do care about people in acute crisis. Join us. Refrain from sharing information. Allow a grieving family to share on their timetable. Why not put your phone down and rush to be at their side at the appropriate time? They are going to need their friends in person. Not on social media…