When someone we love is having difficulty and is giving us a bad time, it’s better to explore the cause than to criticize the action.

Zig Ziglar

Tis the time of year of family conflict. The holidays have a way of exposing cracks in the foundation of familial relationships. People that do not ordinarily get together find themselves placing their feet under unfamiliar tables. It is an uncomfortable experience at best. All out of war is the worst scenario.

Years-ago I asked a police officer if the holidays were a slow time for those assigned to patrol.  He laughed and responded with a resounding no!  He said family members that rarely see each other get together and soon determine why they seldom gather and then the disturbance calls start coming into 911.  I realize that is extreme, but there is a grain of truth in his response.

When a family member or close friend acts out of character, how do you respond? When someone you know well seems aloof, what do you do? When your favorite aunt appears to be distant, what is your immediate reaction? 

It is tempting to criticize their actions.  It’s even more tempting to just ignore such changes in a person’s behavior. And then the distance grows. Communication either decreases or comes to a screeching halt. It is just easier.

As a new year begins, I am committed to doing better in this area. I am determined to extend more olive branches. My intent is to listen carefully and ask better questions. I am even inclined to address things head on. “I noticed you did not come to our annual family gathering. Is anything I can do?” 

As 2022 approaches, let’s commit to building and not torching bridges with those we care about.